Wednesday, February 12, 2014


The stories, they are finished being picked. The letters notifying those who submitted will be going out soon. Maybe Sunday. Maybe next Wednesday. But one of those two days.

We'll be printing these mother fuckers up after that.

Timelines are for the weak.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


This dude does not speak for beards. This dude, who cannot grow a beard, speaks for no one. Dick.

[H/T Nice Guys of Ok Cupid]

Friday, November 22, 2013

Monday, November 18, 2013

The best beard that you can grow.

Let’s talk about facial hair.

At the beginning of the month, many beards cried out in horror as men everywhere took razors to their faces in order to carve their lustrous and burly beards down to mustaches. My beard was one of those beards. And now I have a mustache. And a soul patch. Sole patch? Whatever. My face is cold against the November winds, my lips are chapped and cracked from constantly licking stray hairs off, and I’ve started beginning all my sentences with “Da” and ending them with “Ditka.” But that’s not the fucking point.

The point here is to talk about resources. When you have grown a beard, it represents a commitment, but it also represents possibility for change. Endless possibility. With a few strokes of a blade, you can be sculpted down to mutton chops, goatees, mustaches, chin straps, lines, that weird fucking dude from the hunger games movie, Tony Stark, Charlie Chaplin (before you very, very quickly realize that you cannot keep that one)… When you start with more, you have more options for your final product. It’s the same with money.

This zine is happening, one way or another.  If I have to stitch it together with used packing tape and print it on the backs of collection notices, goddamnit, I will. But if I can have it hand pressed on gold leaf and bound with the spines of cherubs, you best believe I will go that route. However, I am but one man. I only have so much at my disposal.

So, if you want to be awesome, throw your good friend the editor a bone. Or five bones. Or a hundred bones if you roll like that. Every dollar raised is going into this fucking zine. Also the party that will happen to celebrate the zine. Plus, the more we raise now, the cheaper the zines will be in the end (hopefully getting to a big ol’ $0 by the end).

Yes, my friends. Let us all take a look at the possibilities ahead of us. Let us grow now for a better tomorrow. And don’t forget to SUBMIT.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Now Accepting Submissions!

BEARDS: the zine

Announcing BEARDS: the zine. A one off zine about beards. Good beards, bad beards, beards made of facial hair, beards made of lies. What do beards mean to you? How have beards affected our society? What is the beard’s place in the universe? When is a beard not a mass of hair?

Open to all writers of fiction and non-fiction. No poetry. Go find one of the other 10,000,000 poetry zines for fuck’s sake. 750 word limit. Must be about beards. Must say the word “beard” at least once in the prose. Must be awesome.

DEADLINE: JANUARY 31st, 2014 11:59 p.m. CST.

The zine shall be in print. Contributors will be “paid” in contributor copies. And by copies, I mean one copy.

We'll celebrate with a fucking party.

Submit through Submittable.

Things BEARDS: the zine likes:
Curse words
Bait and Switches
Head scratchers
Things under 100 words (but, I mean, not exclusively)
Dark, dark stories
Super light fluff stories
Beginnings, middles, and ends